Wednesday, 3 February 2016

How To Handle Rejection

Rejection-it’s a funny old thing. Of all the emotions its one we often associate with youth, feelings of childhood rejection from parents has informed many a therapy session and who of us could ever forget the rejection of that first break up?
Sadly rejection isn’t always consigned to memories, it can attack you as a fully formed adult and when it does wow it’s a shocker.
Rejection is such a bitch of an emotion and can take you completely by surprise. One minute you are basking in the smug feeling of “I've got this” the next you are crying big salty tears because you feel like you are back at school and no one will sit with you at break time.
Like most people I have suffered my fair share of both personal and professional rejection (even over the last year) and have handled it in various ways, some good, some bad and some very ugly and because I like to think I’m not alone in the loser stakes thought I would tell you how I deal with the uninvited kick in the tits.

Step One-Accept that it hurts like hell

Whether its being let go at work, being frozen out of a friendship group or being dumped by a lover its fine to acknowledge that being rejected is really hurtful. You will get past it, you will survive but in the immediate aftermath it’s OK to just feel absolutely awful.

Step Two-Acknowledge the part you played

Its very easy when you are rejected to put the blame entirely at someone elses feet. To paint a picture of passivity where it just “happened” to you but sometimes that isn’t the case. If you are never invited to go for after work drinks is it because you have never expressed any interest? or when asked before were you a bit dismissive? If you suddenly find yourself on the outside of a group you once felt close to have you changed? If your significant other leaves was it really such a shock? Were there signs you just didn’t want to see? 

Step Three-Allow yourself an ego boost

When you are feeling thin skinned its easy to wallow in the negative and allow the inner critic to take hold.Often the fastest way to get over rejection is to remind yourself that you are still a very welcome addition to many peoples world. One professional knock back doesn’t cancel out all your other successes; whilst one friend may cold shoulder you others still love your company. Seek out some positive affirmations. A glass of wine with a good mate or a hug from your child can quickly remind you that you may be disposable to some but to others you are very precious.

Step Four-Stop running towards the source of your pain

This is something I have had to have a few stern words with myself about. Being rejected can leave you baffled and you can keep trying to make sense of it by returning to the source. This is rarely a good move. If someone doesn’t want you (a company, a friend, even a family member) and isn’t prepared to work it out then however hard it is you have to walk away. Don’t be an emotional masochist. The internet makes it far too easy for us to keep tabs on the source of our rejection, do yourself a favour clear the decks and look forward.

Step Five Accept you may never understand

This is the stage I have most grappled with. I’m a Capricorn I like answers all tied up in neat bow but more often than not there is just not a very good explanation. Even though you gave a perfect interview and were more than qualified sometimes someone else gets the job,even when you truly feel you have been a decent human being people decide they don’t want you in their world. The questioning and wondering will be your undoing. Let it go. If it helps think back to your past when you were rejected for things which left the way clear for beautiful opportunities, or remember when you thought you wanted something so badly that in hindsight would have been terrible. The universe has a way of looking after us and if you cant quite get down with that a netflix boxset and a family size of galaxy work wonders.

I will finish this with a great quote by Dita Von Tease which sums it up beautifully

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