Rejection-it’s a funny old thing. Of all the emotions its one we often associate with youth, feelings of childhood rejection from parents has informed many a therapy session and who of us could ever forget the rejection of that first break up?
Sadly
rejection isn’t always consigned to memories, it can attack you as a fully formed adult and when it does wow it’s a shocker.
Rejection is such a bitch of an emotion and can take you completely by surprise. One minute you are basking in the smug feeling of “I've got this” the next you are crying big salty
tears because you feel like you are back at school and no one will sit with you
at break time.
Like most people I have
suffered my fair share of both personal and professional rejection (even over the last
year) and have handled it in various ways, some good, some bad and some very ugly and because I like to think I’m not
alone in the loser stakes thought I would tell you how I deal with the uninvited kick in the tits.
Step
One-Accept that it hurts like hell
Whether its
being let go at work, being frozen out of a friendship group or being dumped by
a lover its fine to acknowledge that being rejected is really hurtful. You will
get past it, you will survive but in the immediate aftermath it’s OK to just
feel absolutely awful.
Step
Two-Acknowledge the part you played
Its very easy
when you are rejected to put the blame entirely at someone elses feet. To paint a picture of
passivity where it just “happened” to you but sometimes that isn’t the case. If
you are never invited to go for after work drinks is it because you have never
expressed any interest? or when asked before were you a bit dismissive? If you
suddenly find yourself on the outside of a group you once felt close to have
you changed? If your significant other leaves was it really such a shock? Were
there signs you just didn’t want to see?
Step
Three-Allow yourself an ego boost
When you are
feeling thin skinned its easy to wallow in the negative and allow the inner
critic to take hold.Often the
fastest way to get over rejection is to remind yourself that you are still a
very welcome addition to many peoples world. One professional knock back
doesn’t cancel out all your other successes; whilst one friend may cold
shoulder you others still love your company. Seek out some positive affirmations.
A glass of wine with a good mate or a hug from your child can quickly remind
you that you may be disposable to some but to others you are very precious.
Step
Four-Stop running towards the source of your pain
This is
something I have had to have a few stern words with myself about. Being
rejected can leave you baffled and you can keep trying to make sense of it by
returning to the source. This is rarely a good move. If someone doesn’t want
you (a company, a friend, even a family member) and isn’t prepared to work it
out then however hard it is you have to walk away. Don’t be an emotional
masochist. The internet makes it far too easy for us to keep tabs on the source
of our rejection, do yourself a favour clear the decks and look forward.
Step Five
Accept you may never understand
This is the
stage I have most grappled with. I’m a Capricorn I like answers all tied up in
neat bow but more often than not there is just not a very good explanation. Even though you gave
a perfect interview and were more than qualified sometimes someone else gets
the job,even when you truly feel you have been a decent human
being people decide they don’t want you in their world. The questioning and
wondering will be your undoing. Let it go. If it helps think back to your past when
you were rejected for things which left the way clear for beautiful
opportunities, or remember when you thought you wanted something so badly that
in hindsight would have been terrible. The universe has a way of looking after
us and if you cant quite get down with that a netflix boxset and a family size
of galaxy work wonders.
I will finish this with a great quote by Dita Von Tease which sums it up beautifully
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