Sunday, 19 July 2015

Cry baby is back

You have probably noticed that my blog has been a rather quiet place over the last few weeks. Aside from a little bit of scheduled output it has been sat quietly. No clothing reviews, no angry rants about the  fat hating patriarchy. If my blog had a physical presence it would have looked like an empty garden with a broken swing in it just gently moving in the breeze. 


An artists impression of what I may have looked like

Some of you who follow me on social media or who know me outside this blog already know the reason but for those of you who don't or who had an inkling but felt too nosy to ask I thought I would update you.
I have chewed over writing this post. To begin it felt too raw and to be honest writing anything was just impossible and then as the days passed I wasn't sure if I wanted to get into discussing my private life. I like my blog to be a fairly fun, happy place and spilling my heart out in a blog post had more than a whiff of Simon Bates "My tune" about it but now that things are more positive it feels weird and inauthentic to let it pass without mention.
Three weeks ago whilst celebrating my wedding anniversary on a hot lovely afternoon full of dinner plans,flowers and silly jokes my husband Nicky Rockets suffered a massive brain hemorrhage. 
It happened in the blink of an eye. One minute we were talking, the next his speech slurred, and he was obviously very, very poorly. The next few hours were incredibly scary. At first I was told that my fit healthy vegetarian non smoking husband who only that morning had been for a run was critically ill-It was made clear that I needed to get the rest of his family to the hospital urgently.
The days that followed were incredibly bleak. I cried so much I didn't think it was possible to have that much moisture in my body.I was like a character in a Hans Christian Anderson book whose tears made an ocean. I'm amazed West Kirby didn't need lifeboats. I felt truly heartbroken. 
I took this picture at the hospital when I was feeling particularly alone as it seemed to sum up how I felt.It seems quite emo of me now but its also quite accurate.


I'm calling this photo "Rock bottom"

Nicky is my absolute world, we have created a truly amazing life. We have a wonderful daughter,great business and are just the best of friends.It seemed so unfair that he was going to be taken from me and I didn't know how I would go on.
In films and on TV, moments like this are framed in bravery and hope but for me it was just desperate.Like a Ken Loach movie on acid  or a sad John Lewis Christmas advert but made by the American Horror story team. Just wrong and stomach churning.
For two days and nights it seemed he was lost to me and then as if by magic he came back. 
Perhaps he was roused by me wailing like a banshee at his bedside, threatening him with all manner of evilness if he left and vows that I would follow him to hell and drag him back by his quiff, maybe it was my promises of playing naughty nurse who knows the reason, but he opened his eyes and asked "is my drawing hand OK?" (it is) typical.
And he's back

What followed was nothing short of miraculous, day by day he recovered. Sitting up, turning his hospital bay into the usual Nicky Rockets scene with ipods blasting out 70's smelly man  music, sketch books and ink pens marking the bedding. He was himself. Tired yes, changed of course but physically he walked away with barely a scratch.A week after it happened he was back at home, doing his best impression of a hibernating bear, sleeping and watching lots of old Westerns on Dave and bitching about not being allowed real coffee. if he was  a cat you would swear he had ten lives.
Life is slowly returning back to normal, I have over the last few days stopped feeling scared all the time and laughed like a drain at one of his jokes today which felt so good. He is back to just being Nicky but with more naps required. We have been so lucky. So many things that could have meant  a different outcome were in place.
I was with him when it happened so he was in hospital within an hour, the unit he was in at hospital is award winning and they acted so swiftly and cleverly there is no question they saved his life and yes the fact that he is fit and fairly young (although I always snorted when the doctors told him this, much to his annoyance) played a contributing factor.
Thankyou so much to everyone who sent us messages and checked in. It really helped, nothing lets you know how much you are loved than when the shit really hits the fan and I am very blessed. My best friend Lilly didn't leave my side, my mum drove up the night it happened, mates dropped off food so I didn't have to cook and neighbors offered to walk the dog and my blogger gang of Becky, Elena, kate and Em kept me sane by making sure I was never more than a second away from wise, kind counsel. It was humbling and I am so grateful.
So there you have it.My little tale of woe. I have missed you all and it will be so sweet to be able to focus on fluffy, frothy fashion again instead of my own version of Greys anatomy. Having shared this with you all I would ask that you don't bombard me with further questions I'm kind of exhausted and just want to watch Nashville and eat pringles but your good wishes and hugs are appreciated.






I have been nominated for two categories in this years Plus size awards. Best blog and best plus size blog. If you enjoy this blog please vote here It would mean the world to me.




 

                                          

Big News at  Nicky Rockets  we have restocked 4 of out most popular designs up to a 5XL




And if that wasn't exciting enough we have also launched a new plus size yoga inspired design and a Curvy as Hell homewares range which kicks off with tee towels for only £5 






Only £15,designed and made in the UK my tee shirts are  a celebration of the power of the curvy woman.Available in sizes small-5XL in a range of cuts and styles Shop here


All content (text, photos and other) are the property of Betty Pamper (aka Perelandra Beedles) unless otherwise stated. Please refrain from copying any material without recognition of the author and a link to the source on this blog




26 comments:

  1. I am so sorry you've all been through the wringer, but it's wonderful to hear your hubby is doing so well. Last year, we were told my sister wouldn't last the night due to a horrific infection that came out of nowhere. Her recovery has been nothing short of a miracle. I'm glad your family has had its own miracle xxx

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  2. Love you Pamps <3 I am beyond relieved and thankful that Nicky is getting a little bit better every day. I know I've told you a billion times, but you are truly Wonder Woman.

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  3. No questions. Just massive relief for you all. The Pamper blog will soon be a fluffy, frilly and funky place again and the scary shit just a horrible memory. Nicky clearly has nine lives and stuff to do :-) Big hugs to you all xx

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  4. Jesus, what a trauma. Must have been horrific for you all. Very pleased he's recovering well. Much love to you & yours. xx

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  5. So much love to you and your wondrous family Queen B, I'm so happy to hear that Nicky is getting back to his fab old self xxxxxxxx

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  6. I am so unbelievably glad he is on the mend, so much love from me to you and your family 😘

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  7. So sorry to hear this but so happy he is getting better. Sending huge hugs your way. Xx

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  8. So sorry to hear this but so happy he is getting better. Sending huge hugs your way. Xx

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  9. So sorry to hear this but so happy he is getting better. Sending huge hugs your way. Xx

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  10. Hey lovely. So glad to hear he's on the mend. Can't imagine how you felt :(. Sending all my love xxxx

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  11. So pleased at this brilliant outcome! Sending hugs and very best wishes xx

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  12. so glad your husband is doing better, sending <3 and positive thoughts your way!

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  13. Oh my lord, I'm so sorry you've been through this, I can't imagine how terrified you must have been. I am so glad he's recovering now and send much love to you all.

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  14. Great to hear Nicky is ok love you both you are amazing people!

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  15. Oh Betty, what a horrible experience for you and yours. So glad hubby is on the mend! ((hugs))

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  16. So pleased to hear that Nicky is on the mend. I do hope that he continues to make miraculous progress and that you celebrate at least another 50 wedding anniversaries together because you are just the most amazing couple. Can totally relate to how you were feeling about possibly losing your soulmate. It's not mushy hyperbole - those of us lucky enough to have found our soulmates would definitely find it hard to continue without them.

    Huge hugs to you and your family xxxx <3

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  17. I'm so pleased he's recovering so well. Much love and well wishes x

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  18. So pleased to hear that Nicky's on the road to recovery and to hear that you're feeling so positive. It must have been so awful for you. I'm sending a big red lippy kiss and a huge bear hug for you all <3 xxx

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  19. Wow, I've never been quite so heart broken and happy reading one post. I am so pleased that your husband is pulling through. Life can be so unjustly cruel and heart breaking without a moments notice but this post shows that miracles do exist too. Wishing him, you and your family lots of good health and happiness xxxx

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  20. Holy shit. There are no words - I can't imagine how terrifying that must've been. I'm so glad he's on the mend and I wish you both oodles more years of health and happiness together. xxx

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  22. Can only imagine slightly how you've felt over the past few weeks - everyone who knows you and Nicky would totally understand your priorities but the thought of you going "Hattie Jaques" on his ass did make me chuckle. I hope Nicky is soon back to full health and you can carry on with your amazing technicolour future together xxxx

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  23. Oh gosh! That's terrible that happened, but I am so glad it turned out okay. Sending you both all my love xoxox

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  24. That sounds terrifying. I am so glad he is recovering well. Big love to you all.

    http://somethinginthewayshemoves.me

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  25. That's awful and must have been so scary for you! I'm glad he's doing better now. :)

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  26. Oh my gosh. That's horrific. Sending hugs & love. X

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