Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Jellyfish Attack aka the smiling f**K you

There is  a particular breed of person who I refer to as a "Jellyfish" 
You may remember the scene in Bridget Jones diary where a rather vile woman referred to as a jellyfish takes great enjoyment throwing little backhanded darts at Bridget-stinging like a gelatinous beast with snide observations and put downs.

How lovely if this type of person only existed in films but alas they walk among us and I have been stung a few times.
Being a fat confident woman who wears striking clothes can it seems really irritate some people. 
Whether its the deep rooted view that fatties should look only at the floor swathed in black, dumbstruck with shame over their lack of discipline or perhaps a throwback to the idea that to stand out in any way is to be a "show off" who knows but every now and then I can be caught unaware's. 
There I am living in my own little bubble, my head full of clothes, recipes, pugs and old Smiths lyrics when pow out of nowhere you feel the jab.

Here are some of my favourite ones.All delivered by separate jellyfish in entirely different social situations.

Sting # 1
Jellyfish- "I can't stop looking at your eyelashes they are extraordinary"
Me-"Thank you"
Jellyfish- "I thought only drag queens wore false lashes that long but no here you are"

Sting # 2
Me- "I am happy to volunteer to help with the kids crafts. I love anything creative
Jellyfish-"I think that's obvious by your clothes. Very wacky"

Sting # 3
Jellyfish-"What do you do for a living?"
Me-"I'm a writer"
Jellyfish-"Oh yes I've seen your blog. I'm not sure I would want to share my every waking thought with perfect strangers but good for you"

Sting # 4
Jellyfish-"Gosh it must take you hours to do your make up every morning"
Me-"No it takes me around ten minutes"
Jellyfish-"Lucky you to have ten minutes to spend on yourself first thing. I'm too busy getting the kids ready"

Now none of these interactions upset me. They mostly entertained me. Usually the jellyfish's sting comes from a place of insecurity.A need to feel superior over someone who vaguely threatens them.
The only time I won't laugh off a jellyfish attack is when it involves my family and then dear readers to borrow from Rupaul  the library is open and I will read you till you bleed.It will be Mommie Dearest at Pepsi Cola all over again.
Do you ever encounter these "Jellyfish"? How do you counteract the sting?

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