|Kiss my bingo wings|
After many years of being worryingly obsessed with my shape and size (and getting fatter and more unhappy with every failed diet) I no longer use exercise as a way to try and change myself, rather I use it to maintain my health.
You see I am very healthy. I am never ill, have normal blood pressure, no underlying medical conditions if the media is to believed I'm a working miracle. A plus sized woman who isn't draining the NHS of valuable resources whilst begging for a gastro band and wiping away my tears of self hatred with a KFC drumstick.
|This is me attempting to look like I'm warming up but I actually look like I'm doing the teapot|
As my shape and size illustrate I am not naturally athletic and don't find exercise particularly enjoyable or interesting but as a self employed mum I can't afford to get ill or become so overweight I am no longer able to be active and with my metabolism (which I have nicknamed Brian after the snail in the magic roundabout) I know if I do nothing I will need craning out the house to go to the shops and that would just be a bit inconvenient.
|Coming atcha like a lardy middle aged housewife|
I aim to to go to the gym twice a week and do my Davina DVD at least once a week (shes a tough woman, don't let her sunny personality and chestnut locks sponsored by Garnier deceive you) and walk to pick my little girl up from school every day but I often fall off the wagon and realise I have let a few weeks slide without doing this. When the top of my legs start to rub together and I'm out of breath just running up the stairs I will take myself in hand and shout "run fat girl, run"
|I don't know why I did this. I'm quite embarrassed now|
As a bit of a moody bitch I find I'm much happier when I'm working out regularly and as I'm a proper greedy pig I feel a lot more relaxed about what I eat so weirdly tend to eat a bit less and a bit better.
|On your marks, get set, wobble|
|Yes I do sweat a lot even for a fat lass|
I know some plus sized princesses feel awkward about going to exercise classes or gyms but you really shouldn't. No one gives two fucks about the fat chick zoning out to the Harry Potter audio book on the treadmill and if they do? well just chuck your sweat towel at them.
By the way if you do decide having witnessed me in all my size 20 gym kitted glory that you are going to start doing exercise start gently. If you injure yourself or go too bonkers you will just stop doing it. Take from me the biggest exercise skiver in the world-slow and steady really does win the race.
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