Sunday, 24 June 2012

11 Things I would tell my younger self

I'm not a huge fan of looking back but recently I was pondering time travel (as you do when you are self employed and avoiding getting down to work) and thought about what I would tell my younger self if I happened to bump into her on route to 1920's Berlin in a Tardis. Here are some of them in no particular order.

  • The boy who breaks your heart at eighteen who you stay up all night weeping over.You will catch a glimpse of him twenty years later and seriously wonder "what the fuck was I thinking?"

Wow did I really get upset over him?

  • Ignore all the people who tell you to grow a thick skin. Being sensitive particularly where others are concerned is no bad thing. Most of the people doling out that advice are a little bit dead inside and want you to join them.

Only Rhinos need thick skins

  • Don't waste time on bad friends. Every time you shed a bad friend you open the door for an amazing one to step in, and you will be blessed with some super cool women in your life. Watch out for one called Lilly. She is a keeper.

This ones a keeper

  • Do not spend two years of your life watching the TV series  "Lost" its ending will be a masterclass in disappointment.

  • Never go on a diet. It will make you fatter. Just do a bit of exercise, eat less cake and revel in all the amazing things your body can do.

Ditch the diets

  • Do not buy partake in recreational drugs at Reading festival in 1991. You will end up huddled in a porta loo being seriously uncool and freaking out.Do however enjoy every moment of Nirvanas set. You wont be seeing them again.
Listen to Zammo
  • Do not sell any of your records-you will live to regret it.

Oi Don't sell your records

  • Ditto the original 1950's black circle dress from America. Do not ebay this in a fit of Post natal identity crisis. It will haunt you.

I still remember that dress

  • Learn to drive-Now!! Otherwise you will leave it until you are thirty and drive like a nan and be unable to parallel park.

Don't just pose in front of it. Learn t drive it!

  • The careers officer who tells you that writing is not a career.He is wrong.

Here is a little song I wrote for my old careers officer called "You were a numpty"

  • Buy shares in an American company called Google and/or Microsoft-Just do it, don't ask questions.

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