Wednesday, 27 June 2012

Modern Day Manners: Lets not forget them.

Whats that whizzing past my head? oh its someones manners.
Before I start this post I want to make it clear that I think in general people can be pretty nice. Examples of folk doing good with no expectation of thanks or reward are played out everyday.
However there are a few things which happen more and more and which totally infuriate me.Here are some characters I seem to bump up against too frequently.
Names have been changed to protect the not so Innocent.

The Thankless Wonder
Prevalent in every town and city across the land. The Thankless Wonder operates in a bubble of ignorance. Open a door for them, let their car pass, allow them to go before you in a queue they will accept your good manners without even a nod.
The Thankless Wonder doesn't believe courtesy deserves gratitude, they are too busy examining their own reflection in the back of a spoon or wondering when they will hear back about the no win/no fee claim they have lodged for their imagined "whiplash injury" (sustained whilst putting the bin out)
They have perfected the ability to never say "please" and "thank you" to such an art form that it rarely crosses their tiny mind to do so. Secretly they think anyone who acts politely to strangers is a bit of a saddo or maybe a Christian.
Most likely to say-I'm just waiting to hear about my PPI claim.
Least likely to say-Women and children on the lifeboats first.

The Demon Toilet Splasher
Whilst capable of normal toilet hygiene within their own  homes the "Demon Toilet Splasher" revels in making public toilets as vile as possible for any poor sap needing to use them. Operating on the same level as  people who don't pick up litter outside their own front gate because "it not my job" DTS's will tinkle on toilet seats, not flush chains and after wiping their hands on toilet paper (because its faster than a hand dryer) throw the used paper on the floor (all the more likely to stick on the next persons shoes) if questioned about their dirty thoughtless behaviour they will often use the "it keeps someone in a job" defence or as the civilised world refer to it  "Idiot Logic", because as anyone who has ever been a cleaner will attest, wiping pee off toilet seats is the last word in job satisfaction.
Most Likely to say-People who pick up litter are probably all doing community service so just chuck it on the floor.
Least likely to say-Pass the demestos wipes.

Just wipe you dirt bag

The Tweetholes
A fairly new addition to the rogues gallery of rudeness. the Tweethole may work for a magazine, TV channel,or media outlet. They will issue a Twitter "shoutout" for contributor's, ideas or information and once they have achieved their goal (ie to get someone else to do their job for free) will decide they are far too important to reply to the remaining plebs who have contacted them. 
A living example of believing your own hype, they assume people will accept they are just too busy being fabulous and not expect the common courtesy of an acknowledgement. 
If questioned about said behaviour or chased up for a response they will use terms like "snowed under" and "mad busy" and within the hour be tweeting vaguely snarky updates about people needing to "get a life" and complaining about "all the bloggers who just don't get it"

Most Likely to say-Wanted- people to provide exciting content for free in return for great exposure 
Least likely to say-Thank you for your reply. We pay NUJ rate and would love to hire you.

The Cold Calling Phone Slammer
Whether they are pretending they work for google ads, trying to get you to pay for facebook or just wanting you to share your personal information so they can ID rape you,almost all cold callers now operate on a "No sale, F**k you" policy. Training centres across the country are feverishly drilling into thousands of hopeless school leavers the following guidelines:
1) make sure you are dialing at least five people at a time so when the "mark" answers they hear nothing but phones ringing and bored sounding patter.
2) Talk over the "FWAP" (or fool who answered phone)" for about three minutes, regardless of whether they want the service or not. Just keep on talking, if they seem disinclined to do business become vaguely argumentative
3) If its a total loss, don't bother saying goodbye just slam down the phone.Don't waste precious breath with niceties when you could be interrupting someone else's tea and Emerdale viewing.
Most likely to say-Could I speak to the homeowner so I can make them miss the last five minutes of The One Show.
Least likey to say-I just called to say I love you.

Ring Ring-can I just have a moment of your time?
There are of course many, many more examples of modern day rudeness but Im off to give the idiot who holds the lift open for me a dirty look, before finding a nice clean public toilet to waz on which I will do whilst tweeting others to do my job for me.
Toodle Pip!

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